Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Painful Lessons in Humility


As I contemplate my spiritual journey, I realize the spiritual path requires vigilance. We can never stop studying, learning or exploring. We must continually question and seek answers in order to grow. When we stop sustaining ourselves we slip back into the world of fear. We try to keep those fears at bay by overeating, consuming more sugar, keeping too busy to meditate and blocking out spiritual direction.


We can monitor ourselves and compare our present state of consciousness to where we wish to be. We need to ask ourselves: What shortcomings do I want to improve on today? What is the best way to do that? We can always change our outer world by changing the way we think about it and the way we react to it.


Last week two co-workers had a negative encounter with each other. Both had been trained in counseling, but one was a chaplain. Both met with the same woman at different times in her grief process and observed different behaviors. The chaplain called the counselor and verbally attacked him for not doing a more thorough psychosocial assessment. She then proceeded to lecture him how she would have handled the person.


He was stunned by her behavior and asked her opinion on what he should do, but she was too focused on her criticism and into her ego. He decided to politely ended the conversation, which she perceived as hostility. The chaplain could have looked at this situation in many different ways.

She could have asked herself if the person might have been uncomfortable with a male counselor and therefore, opened up more to a woman. The counselor had arrived at the home immediately after the death of the loved one and the person could have still been in shock.


Instead, the chaplain chose to judge and attack the counselor. Her ego demanded attention and the need to feel superior as she continued to direct the counselor in how "she" would have handled the situation.

As I contemplate this situation, I feel sad. How much would it have cost for her to have kindly asked the counselor if he had observed any of the behavior she was seeing? This would have allowed them to have a very civil interaction and reach a place of understanding and comradery.


I identify very closely with this person as I have lashed out at others only to find I didn't have all the information or had not considered any other options. I do not like these lessons. I find them to be very humiliating and emotionally painful. Now I try to stop before I overreact. Most times I am successful and that has led to better relationships with others.